By Bunmi Sofola
Now the year has fully taken off, I thought readers should revamp their sex life (if indeed it needs revamping!) by following these experts’ top tips on how to keep the spark in your relationship.
Lead separate lives: Try to think of your partner as independent from you— you’re not joined at the hips. Imagine them at work, playing a sport or doing something well without you. See them as the vital and interesting individual they are when they’re not with you. This is far sexier than the claustrophobic familiarity that can kill attraction when all you see is the socks left on the floor and your partner slumped on the sofa.
Learn to read secret signals: If your relationship is full of hostility, you won’t have a good love life. Your anger is a barrier to enjoying sex. You have to resolve conflict, don’t bottle things up. Ask him: “Can we talk about it?” Solve the problem, then you’ll be able to enjoy each other. Everyone has their favourite things in the bedroom—whether it’s having their ears nibbled or their feet tickled.
But they’re almost always too embarrassed to tell. So how do you discover your partner’s fantasies? Look at what they’re doing to you! For example, someone who loves having their ears nibbled with nibble on their partner’s ears. Pay attention to your man’s moves and you’ll get an idea of what he wants you to do to him. – Kate Taylor, relationship expert
Don’t worry, be happy: These days, sex is just another lifestyle product and another way for people to make money by selling us things we don’t want or need. But you don’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations. A good sex life is one that makes you feel happy and comfortable, whether you’re doing it ten times a week or ten times a year, it’s quality not quantity that counts.
When you make love, focus on your partner’s pleasure, not on your own. The better you are as lovers, the more enjoyable they’ll get from sex and the more likely they open up and tell you what they require. Do they want more foreplay? Are you picking the wrong time for sex? Suggest that you bathe together or give them a massage first. Ask for feedback during sex and give them time to become aroused. – Tracy Cox, sex expert.
Hit the spot: Strip naked together and take it in turns to run your hands slowly over your partner’s body, loving it for every wrinkle, fold and flaw. As you do so, tell them what makes them sexy.
Remember a time when you had great sex and talk about it.